James Kavanagh on how to be V GORGE

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Okay, first things first, I saw you describing words people can’t say properly on Snapchat and it was iconic. I say ALmUnd. Will you say almond for me? 

It’s like Ahhhmond, the L is silent, get rid of the L. Almond equals AHHHmond

Phew. Thank you.

Okay two boring questions and then we’ll do fun stuff.

Do you think that kids and adults spend too much time on their phones?

Like I think it’s true and I do it a lot and I want to do it less because you find yourself missing out on life. I have been nauseous and dizzy if I spend too much time on my phone. It’s a new way of behaving  and we’ll find out what the impacts are in ten years.

Do you think we’ll see a negative impact in ten years?

Yes and no because it’s opening up people’s minds to cultures, this and that. Kids now have way more access to the outside world than kids in the 90s. Things like feminism, culture, climate, and politics in different countries.

In your line of work, have you seen people act differently over social media versus real life?

People can be totally different over social media too. I remember I was friends with an individual on twitter for a year and they came across as hilarious and witty over social media. When I met them in person, they just couldn’t string a sentence together.

There was another girl who used to send me really weird pictures. If I didn’t reply, she would get really upset, it was like Stan from Eminem or something. That’s stressful to deal with, I can’t be a slave to this person. I have blocked a few people.

Your day to day life looks gorge, tell me about it?

Every single day is different now because I work for myself. I work for my channels and other people’s channels. I’m up at nine and I’m into town. I’m meeting with a brand or an agent, I’m going to events that I’m working on. I’m on Xpose most Tuesdays and Spin every Thursday. I have meetings about potential products and then I meet my boyfriend William to talk about Currabinny.

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And the food you’re eating always looks unbelievable, like how do you manage to stay so skinny? 

I just have a crazy metabolism. My mum did say though when you hit 40, it’s all down hill from there, we can’t put weight on as a family, we’re all whippets. My parents and my siblings are tiny too. I wish I was bigger.

They need to create a male contraceptive pill and then you would be seeing changes, trust me. 

I’ve had the same small body since I was 18. Like whatever if you’re a girl but boys are expected to be broader.

I would love gorge arms.

You’ve been going around to schools recently talking about sexual health. How was that?

Yeah it’s just because it’s so important.Like sexual education is still the exact same as it was back in my day.I have teenagers telling me about it and it’s USELESS. And most of the things we learned in school are also USELESS. Parents feel too awkward, teachers don’t want to and priest and nuns won’t. I wanted to present it in a way that was a bit of craic.

Like maths, okay, Why are they not teaching kids how to do their taxes?

I remember long division and I hated it. I have never used it since either.

Sex Ed needs to be improved, there is a massive rise in STIs for 16 to 20 years olds and that is because they are being told that penis plus womb equals baby and nothing else.

The misinformation is staggering, I had teenagers looking at e in disbelief when I told them you could get gonorrhoea from giving head.

Do you think that comes from there being a stigma around sex?

There’s a stigma. I think you should be able to go out to brunch and have a full discussion about riding because why the fuck not?

20 years ago it wasn’t okay to talk about your mental health or being gay, now it’s not okay to talk about your sex life but the more we talk about it, the greater chance there is of STIs going down.

Tell me about the love story between Damo and Michelle Collins? It’s a modern day romance.

Well that comes from having a Cork boyfriend. He has loads of Corkonian hunzo friends and those huns are something else. I’m exposed to them all of the time and they are absolutely WEAK for everything, they are weak for their shoes, for their water, weak for their dinner, literally weak for everything.

I had already made Damo and then I was like fuck it, he’s gonna meet Michelle.

Okay so I’m currently making the transition from Cork Hunzo to Dublin Girlo. Can you give me some tips on how to be v gorge?

  1. Find a gorge coffe shop like Caf. Get a coconut soy flat white. They are an everyday essential. Gorge café, gorge wifi.
  2. Invest in a nice bag pack for your laptop and all your bits. Essential.
  3. Eat in Pepperpot in Powerscourt, fab place to people watch and the daily specials are always on point. Like mushrooms on brioche or a mackerel salad with baby roast potatoes. GORGE. Go to Coppinger road, anywhere along there for dinner, because it is full of rides.
  4. Gorge skincare is the key to life, I love Kiels. I never had an actual routine, I would just put on whatever but now I cleanse and moisturise, it’s delish.
  5. Finally, Espresso Martinis.

Finally, will you teach me how to do a gorge pose?

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Hannah Kingston

This blog is a collection of ramblings from a girl who is trying to remain both emotionally and economically stable during her first year in the big smoke

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