Step One: The “Yas” Crisis
You will feel like a free bird and spread your wings.
Goodbye reports, assignments, late night cramming, late night writing shite. Goodbye to the taste of sickly sweet red bulls and badly made coffee. Goodbye feeling that you may disappoint your parents.
(Let me tell you, you always have the opportunity to disappoint your parents and that delusion will dissipate.)
Basically, you will go on the piss and have an inflated ego because you did it, you did primary, secondary, uni and maybe a masters. You are smart, You are amazing, You are important.
Step Two: The “Potato Salad” Crisis
You will notice that you are eating potato salad out of the container in bed for breakfast. You are beginning to question what you should be doing. You’re wondering if maybe you should have taken your Da’s advice and made more contacts while you were doing your internship. Mild panic and session depression begins to settle in but it’s all okay, it’s only been like, three weeks since you said goodbye to books and reports and stability.
Step Three: The “Existential” Crisis
You’re still working the part-time job you worked during your studies. Now you are full time though. You are starting to feel possibly, a ‘lil sanctimonious. Why has no one head-hunted you for the amazing trendy job of your dreams you should have by now? Queue thoughts: I am everything! I am too qualified for this shit! I hate everyone! I have no fucking money, ever. Is this what being an adult is? This is bull—-shit.
Step Four: The “Sick of This Shit, Susan” Crisis
You will start spending every moment that you are not at work/gym/drinking applying for jobs. You will become so closely acquainted to sites such as jobs.ie, indeed and jobbio that you start noticing slight technical flaws on the varying websites. You consider sending them an email to let them know. You realize you have become “that” person.
Step Five: The “All I Do Is Blog & I Hate Myself” Crisis
You start believing that you could just open your own business because then you can hire yourself and that would just be a lot less trouble and drama. You have zero skills though hun, you did ordinary level Business studies for the Junior Cert and you have poor management skills on everything including your emotions so let that one go.
How about fame? You’re shit at everything but maybe, just maybe you could apply for the X-factor. Or Love Island?! You could definitely see yourself being slutty, but just this time on the telly, for money.
Plot twist:You’ll start blogging all the time because your life is so unfulfilling. Your friends will begin to resent you.
Step Six: The “This Situation is Hurting My Feelings” Crisis
So you’re watching some gas flick on Netflix or reading a book or staring at the wall and you just start crying for fewer reasons than usual because you start thinking I am going to be a waitress for the rest of my life. That was all for nothing. What the fuck. I deserve better, etc. etc. etc.
Wisdom: Drop the jobs.ie and go be extra.ie for another little bit. You’re just a young fiooone thing finding their place in the world and there is no need for the waterworks or drama. You do not have time for this. Go have a cocktail, put on lipstick, get over it. You’ll be chained to something else unavoidable in no time.
Disclaimer: This was all, totally, about me. I hope other humans are as neurotic as I and find this useful.