The process of falling out of love with someone is comparable to standing on a plug.
Fiery Irish women tend to not want to admit defeat, in all sectors of life but particularly with our love lives. Our stubbornness in not calling it a day often leads to a drawn out and painful break-up which includes over-analysing messages with the girls, fearing for your life that you’ll bump into said Ex and having a physical and personality make-over via social media. It hurts but it doesn’t always have to hurt for so long.
If you can’t admit to your inner circle that your guy is the worst. Read our list and see if any of these resonate with your slowly withering heart.
1. You have run out of things to talk about
At the beginning, it was like entering a vortex with one another, you couldn’t stop talking; hopes, dreams, embarrassing stories from when you were younger, the whole lot. You just couldn’t get enough. When you had to go re-enter the real world, you would spend your time thinking about funny things they said and smiling to yourself. You would buy the book they mentioned because you wanted to see the story through their eyes. Time spent apart was spent looking forward to more time spent together. Now, there’s nothing. You know exactly what they’re thinking. In a sustainable relationship, running out of things to talk about is perfectly normal and you will find things to say. In one that is sadly coming to an end, you won’t feel the excitement of one on one conversations.
2. You see them in your future, but it doesn’t fill you with joy
They have met Mom, Dad, Granny, Granddad and all the aunties and uncles and this fact is beginning to make you feel claustrophobic. Being with them is becoming more to do with habit and less with love. Your wolf pack are always asking after them and you’re starting to feel pressured to be with them, as opposed to being there out of love.
3. He doesn’t support the things he should be supporting
You’re trying to work hard at things, whether it’s college, getting a job, charity work, working out, whatever it may be. If he isn’t respecting the fact that you need time apart or you need time to focus on you, that is an instant warning sign. Someone who thinks their time is more important than yours shouldn’t be someone you waste anymore of your time with.
4. The sex is bad or non-existent
Sex isn’t everything but it’s a lot. It makes us feel closer to one another. It’s also one of the best parts of just being alive, so if the sex has gotten disappointing despite both party’s best efforts, that is not a good omen. Don’t jump the gun and break up with someone because they had one off-night but it is something to keep an eye on. You should be having amazing sex with amazing people, never deprive yourself of this!
5. You don’t have butterflies anymore
You just don’t. His face is just a face. It could be any face. You don’t feel like trying for him and he doesn’t feel like trying for you. The two of you are sulking in bed farting on each-other and not in a cool, comfortable way, more like a resentful, sick of your sh!t way.
6. You prefer bitching about him to your friends than spending time with him
This leads perfectly to my next point. It started with him going for a few pints with the lads after work. You had planned to watch a movie, but he is stumbling in at 5am or going back to his own place. You start spending far more time with the girls. When he comes looking for you, you prefer to stay with your friends, drink wine and talk about how he’s been wrecking your head as opposed to trying to sort it out with him.
7. He just doesn’t get you
We all change when we’re in love, even if just a little. It shouldn’t happen, but it often does. Couples often slowly start morphing into each-other but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything negative. If you start feeling lost and lonely even though you’re constantly with a person, it doesn’t equate to happiness. You should be with the person who you can be a complete weirdo around from the very start.
8. You have that feeling in your gut
This could range from cheating to just knowing that you’re wasting your time. It’s a scary thing to feel when your subconscious starts giving you hints that you should just flee the scene altogether. You might think they’re up to no good or you might just think the relationship is no good but if you can’t pluck up the courage to breach the topic with them, that’s a sign that something needs to change or stop.
9. He has destructive habits
Don’t stay with the hero that is still getting black out drunk every week or taking drugs. My uncle always told me to marry the nice accountant who loves his mom and a good walk. I didn’t start taking this advice until my most recent break up. “That Guy” might seem like the cool option but they will just cause you heart and head aches that you could do without.
10. He isn’t the person you locked eyes with across the smoking room
You can’t remember the last time you made each-each-another laugh or smile or even low-key happy. The two of you are together because you’re scared to be apart but there’s nothing wrong with even trying it for a little while. Both members of a couple should feel comfortable and happy. They should benefit from one-another. If love is becoming an inconvenience, stop being proud and let a break or break up be the consequence.
You deserve better!